Vegan state of mind...

Something interesting happens whenever I go home to visit. I seem to get a certain kind of clarity that allows me to make massive life changes once I return back to my life in New York. Last year when I came to visit, I decided that I wanted to stop chemically processing my hair. So, for the last year, I have not added any chemical straighteners in my hair and have only blow dried it a handful of times. I know that to most, this is not a big deal. But for me, a person who has been chemically straightening my hair since.. I don't know.. 10 maybe? Its a huge deal. And I am happy to say that my natural hair has never been healthier. 

Another result of my previous trip home was my decision to start burlesque dancing. Although my interest in the art form had grown significantly, I still did not have the confidence to put it all out there and begin performing. Once I did, I never looked back. 

This trip home has been no different. But it was not until now, with only a couple of days left of this trip, that I actually realized it. I originally came home to meet my brand new niece. She is beautiful. I did not try to book any gigs because my intention was simply to reconnect with my family and friends. And after countless annoying arguments, I finally feel that we are all back on track. But something better came of it. I reconnected with myself. Living in NY, everything in my life sped up. That's exactly what I love about the city and it is exactly what I needed when I decided to move there. I honestly can't wait to get back. But, since I am here, in California, I decided to take advantage of the much slower pace. So I caught up on my sleep. I slept a lot. And when I was not sleeping, I watched a crap load of documentaries. With all of my extra sleep, I am thinking much clearer and with all of these documentaries, I have become inspired.

I use to always talk about the woman that I always imagined myself to be. Miss Poison Ivory is that woman come to life. But there is more to me than the sexy performance artist that Miss Poison Ivory allows me be. I always wanted to be a person who is more health conscious. You can find proof of these desires in my previous post. Even when coming back to Cali and meeting up with my bestie. I told her that I want to wake up one day and be the type of person who was super health conscious. I want to wake up one day and be a vegan. I want to wake up one day and be that woman. But.. then I make a choice that would completely destroy the fantasy. I've kinda had enough.

I'm turning 30 in 70 days. I always imagined that I would be in the best shape of my life. Yes. I have a number in my mind that I would love to weigh. But the way I am living now, its not going to be a reality. I am not crazy unhealthy, but I could be doing a lot better. I don't my birthday to show up and for me to be unhappy with myself. I want a makeover from the inside out. I decided, that on this day, I woke up vegan. Yeah... I didn't prepare for this. Unless you count the multiple documentaries I've watched over the last few days on Netflix. I have watched Vegucated, Food Matters, No Impact Man, and A River of Waste: The Hazardous Truth, just to name a few. I know that this has not made me an expert, but it has really affected me into making those changes in my life that I have always wanted.

I woke up this morning feeling empowered. I drank my water, had fresh fruit for lunch, and am trying to convince my girlfriend to buy us a juicer because I'm poor. :) This afternoon, I'm feeling scared, and tempted to take a bite of the Jack in the Box hamburger that my brother's baby mama just brought back to the house. But... I really want to do this. I love the idea of being committed to something that will make me, not only feel better about myself, but is better for me. But the last thing I want to to get all preachy about this and to go around calling myself a vegan for the attention. I hate those people an I know how easy it would be for me to do that. So... besides this blog, and possibly to my girlfriend, I'm not going to talk about it. All of my progress, fears, temptations, victories, have to be expressed thru this blog. 

And since I decided that I wanted to start writing more, I think that this is a win win situation for me. I don't really have a plan. Ugh!!! She just offered me a jalapeno popper!!! Kill me now. lol. Yesterday, I would not had had an issue. But this is going to be an everyday issue until I don't crave it anymore. Its going to be hard. lol. Optimism and taking it a moment at a time is going to be my only hope. So... I'm going to go for it. I feel better already for making the decision. I'm going to end this, go eat an avocado, and get on the train back to LA. Luckily, I am hanging out with my bestie who is already a vegetarian and has suggested that we go to a vegan restaurant for dinner tonight. So I will be able to eat tonight without bringing up my new life choices to anyone. 

I think that this will be key. I hope that this blog is enough to keep me accountable. I eventually want to start making less of an impact on the earth. Creating less waste and such. Shopping at the farmers market to keep my meals locally grown. But one step at a time. My first step is to make it thru this day. Wish me luck. xoxo

yeah...

Ok. It's been a while, and lots of shit has gone down.

I realize that I have not been posting very often. But, surprisingly, it's because I've been so busy.
And lazy too.
I admit.

I have plenty of time off and should be using that to nurture all of my creative endeavors. But I have been focusing all of my creative attention on Burlesque. Don't get me wrong, I am more than thrilled that the outcome of all of my hard word has been so positive. In less than a year, I have performed in numerous shows all over New York and surrounding States. I have placed in competitions, performed in the New York Burlesque Festival, and was nominated for Hottest Freshman at the Golden Pasties. I'm on my way to perform and compete in the Philadelphia Burlesque Festival in just a few weeks. Not to mention that I have become a regular member of 3 Burlesque companies including Wasabassco Burlesque. Poison Ivory has really began to make her presence known in the local burlesque community. I still can't really believe that it's happening.

I know it kinda looks like I'm bragging like an asshole. Sorry. That's not the point of this. I'm just realizing that putting my heart and soul into something has finally paid off. I spent so much of my life self sabotaging because I didn't feel that I was worth anything. Its just crazy how much has changed in the last year. That' all. Anyway... that's also not the point. My point is, now that I am here in California, visiting my family and friends for 2 weeks, I have decided to take that time to refocus on the parts of my life that fulfill me outside of burlesque. One of them being, this little ol' blog.

And this new focus could not have come at a better time because it is clear that I have forgotten how to complete a thought. I have gone on so many tangents, that I can barely remember what thought inspired me to take out my computer and write in the first place. I know it had something to do with... OH RIGHT!! Marriage. I was thinking about young marriage in particular. Like.. that barely legal to drink at your own wedding kinda young marriage. The kind that everybody doubts because you don't have enough life experience. What makes it last?

 I have been engaged 3 times, married once (But it didn't count), and have never been a wife. I remember each time I got engaged, I was so excited about the wedding. I went into dreamland where I began planning the wedding of my dreams and yadda yadda yadda. Point is, marriage never happened. But recently, I have begun to meet a lot of married couples, who are or were very young when they got married, who's marriages seem to be going fantastically.

One couple in particular, she is a performer as well, and her hubby is a supportive sweetie poo. Seriously though... they are great. They are my age, maybe a bit younger, have been together for 7 years, married for 6, and still look like newlyweds. It's amazing. I love the way she says "Yeah... we sure were quick to the alter". I don't know... maybe you have to be there. But it's cute. trust me. :)

Ok, I have a theory. Maybe, if a couple is really young, and they want to get married. A test for how much they really want to be together becomes apparent in the details. Not like.. what flavor the cake is, or the song that they will dance to, but in whether or not that stuff is important in the first place. I think, if a young couple is willing to forgo all of the glitz and glamour of a wedding, and willing to go down to city hall, then it's really meant to be. Not that they have to, but if they are willing to. Hell... I obviously don't know what I'm talking about.

yeah... I'm not even sure if I'm gonna waste time spellchecking this. It's like I'm starting to work out all over again... which I also need to start doing. :)

:P
xoxo

My special thanks....

It is now 2013, a year that many people never thought we would see. And now that we are hear, I'd like to take this time, oddly enough, to look back on 2012. :)

I can't begin to explain how grateful I am to everyone who has made my dreams of Burlesque a reality. During the last year, I have not only begun a career in something that I am truly passionate about, but I have also made so many new friends. Its been a long time since I have been this happy and its important to me to say thank you. Thank you to everyone who has encouraged my dreams, offered me their friendship, took my photo, or came to a show. This list could go on forever, and it just might. :) So let me break it down and give a quick shout out to all of the producers who gave me an opportunity and hired me for their show in 2012.

Thank you:
Jo Weldon (NYSB)
Bombazeen Bean (Jazz and Burlesque at Toro)
Felicity Jones (Young Naturist America)
Justina Walford (Bare Naked Bake Sale)
Joe The Shark (Sharkbite Sideshow)
Camille Atkinson (Juke Joint Review)
Mark Bokvist (Juke Joint Review)
Dottie Dynamo (Bare Nacesstease)
Shelly Watson (Nurse Bettie)
Doc Wasabassco (Wasabassco Burlesque)
Nasty Canasta (Wasabassco Burlesque)
Captain Scorp'yo (Moons over Scorpio)
Bevin Branlandingham (Rebel Cupcake)
Sean Sullivan (Jazz Soul and Burlesque at Circa Tabac)
Marlena Barker (Gnarly Marley Burlesque)
Lev (Rhymes and Riffs)
Angie Pontani (NYBF)
Tigger! (NYBF Star Search)
World Famous Bob (NYBF Star search)
RunAround Sue (Shakin and Stirren)
Scooter Pie (Shakin and Stirred)
Bambi Galore (Marinara Stardust and Bambi Galore Presents...)
Marinara Stardust (Marinara Stardust and Bambi Galore Presents...)
Peter Aguero (BTK Band)
Steve Peluso (Lewd and Lucky Burlesque)
Brooklyn Babydoll (Cha Cha's at Coney Island)
The Lovely Rae (Bowery Burlesque Pageant)
Bastard Keith  (The Sophisticates)
Madame Rosebud (The Sophisticates)
Gin Minsky (NYE gig)

And I also want to thank a couple of people individually.

Dolly Debutant. We were friends right from the start, after meeting in Darlinda Just Darlinda's flirting with burlesque class. And then seeing you that same night at Calamity Chang's show at Nurse Bettie. But I think I really started to get to know you the night we went to Champagne Riot. Once we attended that first Juke Joint Review, we were goners. I knew I had made a life long friend. It was you who I turned to when I felt insecure or needed a shoulder to cry on. You are always there to to make me laugh or lend me a dress. But most of all, You are always there to provide the snacks.

Alex. Where do I even begin. I think, besides self confidence and a new lease on life, the greatest gift burlesque ever gave me was you. "You're so cool". 

Doc & Nasty. You guys push me to wanna be my very best. Thank you so much for taking a chance one me.

Every person on this list has helped make Poison Ivory a reality. Thank you so much! And to the producers, I truly hope to work with you again. For the producers who have booked me for 2013, I am very much looking forward to working with you. Thank you in advance for this opportunity. I want you to know that I hope to always be a positive addition to any show and I will work hard to give you my very best. That is my true desire for this upcoming year. XOXO

                                                          

                                                          
Top Photo: First ever performance at Bowery Poetry Club
Middle Photo: Photographer David Atlas
Bottom Photo: Photographer Chalres Farrah

Wasabassco 8th Anniversary...

This is a 2 night event that should not be missed. 

I'll be there... you should be too! 

For information of this event and others, please click on the link below. 

http://wasabassco.com/

This weekend...

Hello friends and lovers.

I wanted to do a quick update on shows that I have coming up this weekend. If you are in the NY area and are looking to have a good time, look no further. Below are flyers and links to the shows that I have this weekend. And please stay tuned for updates on more shows and updates on my crazy life. :)

Anyone out there love 90210? How about Halloween? Trivia? What about a late night dance party? Well if you answered yes to any of those questions, then you need to go to Rebel Cupcake Peach Pit Halloween Party. The night will be filled with Burlesque, 

Music, Dancing, Games... and yes. There will be cupcakes. 

Rebel Cupcake Facebook Event Page

Who out there is in to something a little more.... classy? Come out to City Winery anf enjoy a amazing night with dinner and drink, stellar  burlesque performers, hosted by the King Pin of Burlesque himself, Mr Doc Wasabassco. You wont regret it. 

*Drink and dinner not included in price of admission. :)

Wasabassco Burlesque City Winery Facebook Event Page

Alrighty... Thats all I have for now. 

xoxo

And the winner is...

OK. Let me begin this by stating that I am still in shock. I have no idea how I managed to do this, but I may very well be having the best breakout year ever. I have only been burlesque dancing for a few months and I cannot believe all that has happened. I took 2nd place in a Star Search Competition, which has won me my performance spot in this years NEW YORK BURLESQUE FESTIVAL, and now, I have been nominated for the Hottest Freshman Golden Pastie. 

I can't believe my luck. The amount of gratitude I feel for everyone who has supported me along the way, I can not possibly fully express. 

I hope I win it for all of you. 

http://www.thenewyorkburlesquefestival.com/goldenpasties.php

xoxo

wait...

I have all of these feeling slowly brewing inside of me and I don't know what to do with them.

I know I wanted them.
I understand that I was the one who asked for them.
I realize that I was the one who chased them, who begged for them to take root inside of me.

But now what?

These feelings have gotten to a place where I am know longer in control.
I fought so had to nurture them... to keep them safe.. to lock them away.. to smother them.
But now they are ready to leave me. And at this point, I don't know what to do.

Please tell me what to do?

What am I suppose to do?

I don't know what to do.