28 days until BHOF

Today is hard. Straight up. I'm not going to sugar coat this thing. My entire body hurts from from yesterday's workout, which I am to repeat again today, but my body is screaming NO!!! I attempted to do the workout, but had to stop after the warmup because I had a visitor, who is having an extra bad day. Like... really bad. So I had to take some time with that. I am going to try to get the work out in tonight after dinner. I know it will be late, but I am detirmined not to get behind on this. Stripper Jesus... I'm calling on you!!! I am going to go for an hour long walk this evening after a show I'm attending.

As far as my diet, I am on the second day of my juice detox. 

I gotta say, the flavor of the second day juice is leaving a lot to be desired. I am finding it incredible difficult not to snack. Luckily, I'm on my last glass of the day and I am very much looking forward to making dinner. 

Today I had to submit my music for BHOF. I used the time to also send out

 important info for a few other festivals that I am going to be appearing in. 

Later this month, I am so excited to be traveling to St. Louis for the first time to perform in 

the Show Me Burlesque and Vaudeville Festival!

I will be bringing my "Girl With One Eye" act... which is wonderful as I have not had the pleasure of taking that act to a festival since the Hollywood Burlesque Festival back in December of 2013.

This summer is also taking me to Denver for the Colorado Burlesque Festival. 

I will be bringing my "Let's Burn" act. 

This festival takes place in July, so BHOF will be over. 

Hopefully the act will do well there and I will be able my intro will be extra sparkly. 

*Fingers crossed*

AND!!!! I will be performing internationally for the first time ever at t

he Toronto Burlesque Festival. 

I will be bringing my "Let's Burn act to this festival as well. 

OMG.. looking at this is getting me over whelmed. But... I have to remember to take it one day at a time. At the end of the next 28 days, I will already have had another festival under my belt, and hopefully a bit more confidence as well. 

I think that is it for now. I have to finish this dreadful glass of juice and get ready to see my good friend, (and wedding officiant) Peter Aguero in his show, Daddy Issues. Look him up if you don't know who he is. I made it easy for you. <3 Wish me luck on getting this workout in!!! Positive messages always welcome. 

xoxo

29 days until BHOF...

Alright guys, I'm 15 hours in and so far, it's going well!! I'm referring to the 72 hour juice detox. 

I made woke up first thing and went to the market to get containers for all of the vegetables that has just been delivered to my apartment. I mad my juice, enough for the whole day, so it has been super easy.

I honestly have to say this this juice is delicious. I am not surprised by this because I have been juicing on and off for a while now. And it really is all about the ingredients. I purchased all organic, and I feel like it can taste it. I have about 2 more glasses to go and then I get to eat a dinner of lean protein and vegetables.I have not decided what that will be yet, but I'm super excited to chew something. 

I am happy to announce that I completed my workout for the day. I took my dog on a 30 minute walk this morning and did the first video in my Daily Burn Tactical Body Weight Training program. That shit was hard. But I think its exactly what I need at the moment. The workouts are designed to improve mobility, flexibility, strength... basically everything I need. The program is 28 days, so I should finish the day before I head to BHOF. I'm excited to see how my body to react to this intense plan. Hopefully I will regain a lot of my flexibility that I lost from an injury.

While these things are not directly related to the Burlesque Hall of Fame, I do feel they it is vital to get my health and body in shape so that I feel like my best self when I step on that stage. This is not about loosing weight. It's about attempting to unlock my full potential. This is about changing my life and using my desire to do well at BHOF to motivate changing my entire life for the better. My birthday is a week away. And while I'm not expecting to look into the mirror and see a change on the outside, I'm hoping that being a week into this plan will help me feel better about my insides.

Education is important to me. I miss being in class, learning new choreography and performing it in front of the class. Feeling like I was going to vomit and not caring because I loved it so much. I have decided to take at least one dance class a week until BHOF, and hopefully carry it out into the summer... maybe the rest of the year. Who knows? But dance class is not the only thing I am into. I am so excited to have signed up for a stage/drag make up class at the New York School of Burlesque. Taught by Kitten LaRue, a world renowned burlesque performer who is no stranger to the BHOF stage.

Mod Fantasy, c. Jaimin Zhu

I would love for this to be a super in depth post, but I am a busy lady and have to get ready for a concert! 

Until tomorrow..

xoxo

30 days until BHOF...

Posted on my Facebook page, https://www.facebook.com/Miss.P.Ivory, on March 30th, 2015, approx 24 hours after receiving the biggest news of my burlesque career:

"Long post, but worth it. <3

2012- I make my burlesque debut. I had just started performing at the end of may and a week later, everyone disappears. I find out that everyone is in Vegas for Burlesque Hall of Fame Weekend. What?? What is that?? Later that Summer, I watch the movie Exotic world. **Mind Blown** I knew Burlesque was something special, but I had no idea how much until that Movie.

 2013- As a gift for my 30th b-day, my wonderful fiancee, GF at the time, purchased us VIP passes for BHOF that year. I finally get to see first hand what all the fuss was about. HOLY SHIT!!! I could not believe the acts on the stage!! After the First show, I needed more. After the Legends Showcase, I knew I would never be the same. And the Competition.. FIERCE. Icons and All stars night, NO WORDS. Just tears.

 2014- Encouraged by my friends, loved ones, and a strong nudge by Holiday O'Hara...

At the 57th annual Titans of Tease Reunion Showcase

Photo of Holiday from 70's

...I decided to apply, although I knew it was a long shot. No big surprise, I was not accepted. Truth was, I was devastated. Not because I didn't get in, but because I thought that meant I could not go at all. I was wrong. My fiancee made it happen. It was everything I had remembered from the year before, AND MORE!! I also had friends by this time, so it was extra fun.

2015- I almost missed the deadline this year. But with the help of my amazing support system, I got my application in on time. I applied with an act that I am proud of, as my FOREVER QUEEN OF BURLESQUE, Perle Noire helped me to develop it. 

 Perle Noire (2008 Best debut, 2009 Most Dazzling)

 and I at the 2013 Burlesque Hall of Fame Weekender

Group Shot from the 2014 Burlesque Hall of Fame Weekender

And then all I could do was wait. Yesterday morning I received the notification email while packing up and I immediately collapse into the fetal position.
After removing myself from the group, crawling up the stairs and safely getting into bed, Alex by my side, I log in. I can't believe it... I'm still in tears as I write this post. I am thrilled to finally announce that I have been accepted to compete for BEST DEBUT at the 2015 Burlesque Hall Of Fame Weekend. Thank you ‪#‎StripperJesus‬. Thank you everyone who helped me or encouraged me in any way. This is an absolute dream come true. I am honored. I am so grateful. I am still crying."

 Midnight Martini. Reigning Miss Exotic World

There is really only so much excitement you can put into one post. But I think most people had a good idea of what this news meant to me. I received 259 likes and 66 comments from close friends and burlesque all stars alike. To say that this is a big deal is an understatement.

This was 36 days ago. And since then, I have worked to improve my act by upgrading my costume... which never feels done, as well as re-working parts of my act that didn't flow. I have contacted people who have been on the stage before hoping to get some input and have even sent out my videos to get critiques on my number. But for some reason, I feel like I should be doing more. 

Almost immediately after getting congratulated, people began giving me advice. "Don't want it too much, just have fun!' seemed to be the number one piece of advice that people have told me. And I get it. I do want to have fun. I want to live every moment on that stage. But the thing is, I do want it. I want to win. Is that so bad? I know the importance of not wanting things so bad that you would be devastated if it didn't work out, but I don't think this is the case for me.. at lease not yet.

I know myself enough to understand that I could never feel disappointed if I knew that I gave it my all, but it didn't work out. If I worked as hard as I could to prepare for a competition, and I lost, I could only tell myself that it was not my time. I've been in that place before. And the next year, I came back and took home the trophy. Yes, I was disappointed that I didn't win the first time around, but I was not defeated. That was by best performance of that act and I still use the video to submit to festivals to this day.

When it comes to the Burlesque Hall of Fame, a festival that I have been attending since I started performing almost 3 years ago, (Yes.. I know it's not long, but still significant for me) I have dreamed about performing on that stage. And on June 6th, 2015, I get that chance. If I had to get on that stage today, I know I would not be ready. And I honestly feel as though the last 36 days could have been used to serve this goal better. But thankfully for me, it is not over yet. I have 30 days before I step off the plane in Vegas and I plan to use the most of it. That is what this blog is for.. to hold me accountable for the next 30 days. 

My Rule is that I have to post at least once daily about my progress. This is something I MUST do. Even if I have nothing to show for a day, I have to write that I wasted my time. I will write about my workout plan, because being physically strong on that stage is very important to me. I am a member of Daily Burn. I have not been using it, although I have been paying for it. I need to start getting my money's worth. So I am starting the Tactical Bodyweight Training program. It is 30 days.. exactly the length of this journey, and is something I can do on the road, as it requires no equipment.

 Promo Photo from Daily Burn website

I will write about my eating habits, including the 72 hour juice detox that I am beginning tomorrow. 

(Don't worry. it's not the master cleanse, just juice and healthy dinners.)

I will write about how I'm managing to juggle my travels, upcoming birthday, shows, and festival that wills come about over this 30 day journey. I know it will be hard, but I am so desperate to not feel disappointed in myself after my performance on June 6th. Who knows what will happen, but I am ready to do the work. Terrified, but ready.

Thank you 2013...

I have to admit that I am a little sad to see 2013 go. I always knew that if the world didn't end, then this was going to be MY year. I saw this because I was born on Friday the 13th, so the number always held a very special meaning for me. And since I also turned 30, those 2 factors alone allowed me to anticipate 2013 since as far back as I can remember. Actually, I remember exactly how old I was when I started to look forward to this year. I was 23. 

OK… Since beginning my burlesque career, I have celebrated 2 New Years! Last year I wrote a note and dedicated it to all of the producers who took a chance on an unknown newbie performer. It felt really satisfying to go thru the year of bookings to see exactly how many people played a role in getting me here today. It's really important to me that I continue this little tradition and take a moment to give thanks to my 2013 producers:

Neil O' Fortune (Bedlam Burlesque)

Dave Menace (Brick City) NJ

Mark Bokvist/Camille Atkinson (Juke Joint Revue)

Doc Wasabassco/Nasty Canasta (Wasabassco)

Bastard-Kieth/Rosebud (Sophisticates)

Dre Campbell/ Francesca Hoffman (Saturn Returns)

Broadway Brassy (Temple of Virgins/Mo Betta)

Bonnie Dunn (Le Scandal)

Rat Mon Dieu/Gothic Hangman (Dark Carnival Burlesque)

Bevin Branlandingham (Rebel Cupcake)

Calamity Chang (Nurse Bettie)

Essence Revealed/ Sweet Lorraine (Shades of Burlesque)

Lolita Von Cake (The Bakery)

Madame Corsetiere (PA BQ Fest/ Boolesque Fest) P.A.

Fem Appeal (Kitty Nights)

Ellen Stagg (Asbury Park gigs) NJ

Matthew Holtzclaw (Fleshbot Friday)

Shelly Watson (Nurse Bettie)

Dandy Wellington (Ella Lounge)

Captain Scorpio (Weird Science)

Sam Perrish (Love Funk)

 Stanqui-Sex Dumas (Pussy Scratchin' Fox Show)

Joe the Shark (Sharkbite Sideshow)

Francine/Minnie D' Moocha (Take back the 80's)

Ruby Solitaire (Excelsior Burlesque)

Beelzababe (Random acts of undress)

Matt Knife (Homo Erectus)

The Goon (Vixens and Vagabonds)

Dottie Dynamo (Bare Necessitease)

Jonny Porkpie (Dead Sexy)

Vada James (Bluth Company Burlesque/ Delacatease)

Corvette La Face (Delacatease)

Brian Newman (Red Room Revue)

Brown Girl Burlesque (Hot and Bothered)

Bonita Boogie (Utterly Urban Burlesque)

Miss Rose (Sexploitation Follies) PA

Lefty Lucy (Enchanted Tiki Room/ Bible show)

Red Hot Annie (Vaudezilla) Chicago

Jo Weldon (Student Showcase)

Francesca Hoffman (End Times Cabaret)

Adam Real Man (Coney Island Film Fest)

Dulce De Luche (NYBF)

Maggie Cee (Femme Show) Boston

Betsy Propane (Bobbie-que) 

Strawberry Fields (Parkside 54)

Velocity Chyaldd (BADASS Burlesque)

Dolly Debutante (Sing it Sista 2)

Darlinda Just Darlinda/ Scary Ben (Bushwick Burlesque)

Lily Von Schtupp (Hollywood BQ Fest) LA

Dottie Lux (Red Hots Burlesque) S.F

Red Velvet (Diva or Die Burlesque) S.F.

Mary Cyn (Bardlesque)

Gin Minsky (NYE at Cercle Rough)

 Every time I step on the stage, my goal is to not only leave the audience happy, but to leave the producers happy with the work I provided them. So, to each and every one of you, thank you for booking me.  A few of you have made me a part of your families and I am eternally grateful. And there are others who I have only worked with once or twice that I really hope I get to work for again.

My apologies if I forgot anyone or misspelled any names.  <3

Also… a quick thank you to Noir-a-gogo for featuring me in your October issue of "Sisters Under the Feathers", and The Whorecast for your wonderful words on your podcast. You guys are the best!

To everyone involved in the Hollywood Burlesque Festival, thank you for having me and choosing me to be you Miss Starlet Burlesque 2013. What a wonderful way to end this already stellar year. 

And to those closest to me, I save you for last because I would write an entire thank you just for you…

Amorra~ My beautiful baby niece. Welcome to the world. 2013 gave me many wonderful gifts. You are certainly the best. My heart explodes with love for you. I hope you can feel it all the way in California. I love you and Ill see you soon. 

Alex~ 2013 was the first year in which we got to spend the entire year together. I can't thank you enough for all the love and support you have given me. Its such a blessing to meet a person who helps to ignite my fire instead of squelch it. This year would not have been the same without you. My life would not be the same without you. I will love you forever.

Dolly~ It's easy to call you a friend because you have always been one. I can tell you anything and I know you would never judge me. You keep me sane when I'm ready to jump off the edge. You always have a kind word and a smile and I am so lucky to have you in my corner. 

Karina~ It's been almost a decade and I still can't quit you. I hope I never do. Even though we live on different sides of the country, we have made this long term, long distance relationship last. lol. Who says it can't be done! You manage to be here when I need you the most and you're always there with a warm welcome when I come home. I love you!

Family~ I know I threw a lot at you this year. Thanks for loving me anyway. <3

Friends~ I love you all and am thankful for every moment we shared this year. xoxo

21 day challenge...

We have recently entered the month of November... yeah, It's been November for a few days now, and basically I'm way behind schedule. At this point, I had expected to be further along in the goals I set of myself. Life has gotten in the way of my making any real progress on my weight loss, my writing, my creative endeavors, and basically just keeping my life in order. Looking around my apartment, it's clear that a change needs to be made. So as a result of my procrastination, I have decided to challenge myself for the next 21 days. 

Here are my rules:

1. Follow the 21 day daily burn ignite plan. This involves removing 6 "evil foods" from my diet including Dairy, Sugar, Artificial Sugar, Gluten, Soy, and Alcohol. Ahhhhh!!!! This is crazy. I know it. But sometimes I have to commit to something like this in order to prove to myself that I am more capable than I give myself credit for. So while I am super busy these next 21 days, including traveling to Seattle for 5 days for BurlyCon, I have decided to do this. I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to pass up all the drinks, but I am allowing myself to have pot. So I guess Ill find a way to survive ;)

2. Follow a exercise plan that requires me to work out every day. I love all of the programs Daily Burn has to offer, so I choose a program from them. I had my heart set on doing Inferno, a 21 day P90X type deal, but because of traveling, I wont have access to everything I need. So I decided to do the Tactical Body Weight Training program. All I will need to pack is a yoga mat. This specific program is 28 days long, but I think it will be a good thing to carry my through Thanksgiving. 

3. Home organization. I love a clean house. It helps me stay focused and relaxed. But I am terrible at keeping it that way. For the next 21 days, I am going to work to keep my place spotless. That means, keeping costuming work organized, cleaning dishes, putting clothes away, etc. I just gotta get the place cleaned up first.

4. Say something nice to someone every day. This sounds corny, but I have been feeling negative lately. I think this would be a great way for me to start being more positive and grateful for the people and things I have in my life. While the next 21 days is going to be primarily focused on my inner growth, I know a huge part of that is going to be realizing how lucky I am to have the ability to even take this challenge.

5. Write it all down. I constantly say how I wanna write more. I will record my feelings about the day, my progress, my stresses, my journey. 

Right now, I have to head to the post office. Let Day 1 begin. 

Getting ready...

First.. some exciting news! I am really excited to announce that I am featured in another blog this month. Its called Sisters Under the Feathers, a blog by Noir-a-gogo. Its a blog dedicated to highlighting Today's Black Pin-up and Burlesque performers. Its truly an honor to be recognized by them. Please check them out and read my interview. I answered all the questions as openly as my heart would allow and I even mentioned some lofty goals that I hope to achieve in my BurlyQ career. Click on the link below to check it out! It will be up for the entire month! You can also purchase super cute accessories!

http://www.noir-a-gogo.com/SistersBlog.html 

October is here and it marks the beginning of my favorite time of year. No, not the holiday season, although I do love festivities, but I'm referring to the time of year that I tend to get the most shit done. I don't know exactly why, but this time of year beings upon great changes in productivity. Its almost as if a veil that has been over my eyes all year is finally being lifted. It's time for me to focus. If not, then the next few months are gonna be filled with overwhelming disappointments. I have no intention of going into 2014 with regrets, so I'm gonna use the next 3 months to insure that does not happen.

I decided to take a look at some of my goals in order to draft a plan of action for accomplishing them. And while there are huge factors that are not in my control, I intend dominate the factors that I can control. In taking a deeper look, I realized that a time of review is upon me. I am approaching a time where I will be under high critique and judgement. The only way to come out on top is to figure out exactly what is expected of me.

So what is to be expected? Dedication is first and foremost. If I am to achieve great things, then I am going to have to put in the work. No excuses. It is obvious when a person is resting on their laurels. That's is the exact opposite of how I want to be seen. I want to show myself as a person who is constantly reaching for greater things. Unfortunately, I have the tendency to fall short on this. Like most people, I get caught up in self doubt which causes me to loose hope, and ultimately give up on myself. It's the most horrible form of self-fulfilling prophecy. I can't do this to myself again. I first have to believe that my dreams are possible, and then go after them as though they are already mine.

There are attributes that I possess that I need to minimize as well. I have a fear that I come across as a diva. Its the absolute worst feeling to have when I am constantly surrounded by people who have admire and respect so much. I need to find a better way to channel my insecurities so that I am not misunderstood. Finally finding a world that I fit into and love so much is completely terrifying. I don't want to loose everything I've gained. The only way that people are going to see me for who I really am is to be humble. I confess... I have not always had the nicest things to say about people, and I have found myself feeling entitled to things in my life that are not rightfully mine. It is a constant battle. Self-doubt shows itself in the most unflattering ways, and sometimes it causes people to be a both. I have to constantly look within to make sure that I am being appreciative of my good fortune and always remaining humble.

Ultimately, all anyone wants from me is exactly what I want from my self, to simply be myself. The next few months are gonna be dedicated to discovering how far I can go. I want to see what I am able to accomplish when I don't set limits on myself. If I am committed to this, then when I step into that spotlight and put everything I have on the table, I cant be disappointed if things don't go my way. I'll know that I did my very best, so I wont be disappointed in myself.  But that only happens if I actually commit. Stay tuned to see how it all works out.

I can't sleep...

My mind is full of awful thoughts. 
The kind of thoughts that keep me up at night. 
Night after night I am paralyzed with fear. 
I can't breath. I...

Why do I have these thoughts? 

Why now? 

I've been to some terrible places. 

Both mentally and physically. 

But even in those times, I still managed to sleep at night. 

I craved sleep. Longing for it in all of my waking hours. 

Sleep was my escape. It was my ecstasy. A sweet release...

Why now? 

My life is different now. 
I am safe. 
I am happy. 
Terribly, painfully, happy. 
The kind of happy that I once dreamed about. 
This is my reality. At last... my.. m y     everything.

It attacks me in the night. 

My mind is a manipulative fucking bastard that only attacks when I am most vulnerable. 

In that special place that was once a safe haven. 

I am the master of my own thoughts.

I am the master of my own thoughts.

I am the master of my own thoughts. 

I am the master of my own destiny.

This is what frightens me most.
Something that once brought me so much peace, 
has become the exact thing that keeps me up at night. 

I suppose this is the universe's way of keeping me balanced. 

I think it's really fucked up.