Monday, March 4, 2013

Vegan state of mind...

Something interesting happens whenever I go home to visit. I seem to get a certain kind of clarity that allows me to make massive life changes once I return back to my life in New York. Last year when I came to visit, I decided that I wanted to stop chemically processing my hair. So, for the last year, I have not added any chemical straighteners in my hair and have only blow dried it a handful of times. I know that to most, this is not a big deal. But for me, a person who has been chemically straightening my hair since.. I don't know.. 10 maybe? Its a huge deal. And I am happy to say that my natural hair has never been healthier. 

Another result of my previous trip home was my decision to start burlesque dancing. Although my interest in the art form had grown significantly, I still did not have the confidence to put it all out there and begin performing. Once I did, I never looked back. 

This trip home has been no different. But it was not until now, with only a couple of days left of this trip, that I actually realized it. I originally came home to meet my brand new niece. She is beautiful. I did not try to book any gigs because my intention was simply to reconnect with my family and friends. And after countless annoying arguments, I finally feel that we are all back on track. But something better came of it. I reconnected with myself. Living in NY, everything in my life sped up. That's exactly what I love about the city and it is exactly what I needed when I decided to move there. I honestly can't wait to get back. But, since I am here, in California, I decided to take advantage of the much slower pace. So I caught up on my sleep. I slept a lot. And when I was not sleeping, I watched a crap load of documentaries. With all of my extra sleep, I am thinking much clearer and with all of these documentaries, I have become inspired.

I use to always talk about the woman that I always imagined myself to be. Miss Poison Ivory is that woman come to life. But there is more to me than the sexy performance artist that Miss Poison Ivory allows me be. I always wanted to be a person who is more health conscious. You can find proof of these desires in my previous post. Even when coming back to Cali and meeting up with my bestie. I told her that I want to wake up one day and be the type of person who was super health conscious. I want to wake up one day and be a vegan. I want to wake up one day and be that woman. But.. then I make a choice that would completely destroy the fantasy. I've kinda had enough.

I'm turning 30 in 70 days. I always imagined that I would be in the best shape of my life. Yes. I have a number in my mind that I would love to weigh. But the way I am living now, its not going to be a reality. I am not crazy unhealthy, but I could be doing a lot better. I don't my birthday to show up and for me to be unhappy with myself. I want a makeover from the inside out. I decided, that on this day, I woke up vegan. Yeah... I didn't prepare for this. Unless you count the multiple documentaries I've watched over the last few days on Netflix. I have watched Vegucated, Food Matters, No Impact Man, and A River of Waste: The Hazardous Truth, just to name a few. I know that this has not made me an expert, but it has really affected me into making those changes in my life that I have always wanted.

I woke up this morning feeling empowered. I drank my water, had fresh fruit for lunch, and am trying to convince my girlfriend to buy us a juicer because I'm poor. :) This afternoon, I'm feeling scared, and tempted to take a bite of the Jack in the Box hamburger that my brother's baby mama just brought back to the house. But... I really want to do this. I love the idea of being committed to something that will make me, not only feel better about myself, but is better for me. But the last thing I want to to get all preachy about this and to go around calling myself a vegan for the attention. I hate those people an I know how easy it would be for me to do that. So... besides this blog, and possibly to my girlfriend, I'm not going to talk about it. All of my progress, fears, temptations, victories, have to be expressed thru this blog. 

And since I decided that I wanted to start writing more, I think that this is a win win situation for me. I don't really have a plan. Ugh!!! She just offered me a jalapeno popper!!! Kill me now. lol. Yesterday, I would not had had an issue. But this is going to be an everyday issue until I don't crave it anymore. Its going to be hard. lol. Optimism and taking it a moment at a time is going to be my only hope. So... I'm going to go for it. I feel better already for making the decision. I'm going to end this, go eat an avocado, and get on the train back to LA. Luckily, I am hanging out with my bestie who is already a vegetarian and has suggested that we go to a vegan restaurant for dinner tonight. So I will be able to eat tonight without bringing up my new life choices to anyone. 

I think that this will be key. I hope that this blog is enough to keep me accountable. I eventually want to start making less of an impact on the earth. Creating less waste and such. Shopping at the farmers market to keep my meals locally grown. But one step at a time. My first step is to make it thru this day. Wish me luck. xoxo