Monday, May 30, 2011

What Oprah knows...

A dear friend of mine shared this link with me. Its Oprah's farewell speech and it really spoke to me. It spoke to all of us. I am not a die hard Oprah fan. But I have a great appreciation and respect for her. So although I may have only seen a small percentage of the show, I really wanted to watch the final episodes just to witness the great impact that she has had on so many lives. I was not able to watch the episode air live because I was working, but even days later, watching it online, her words made an impact on me.

Live from the heart of yourself.
You have to make a living, I understand that.
But you also have to know what sparks the light in you
so that you, in your own way, can illuminate the world.- Oprah

These words in particular made me really want to focus on what sparks the light in me. And the thing that meant so much to me is the realization that I have already found it. I found it in helping people in my own way. I found it in decorating peoples homes. I found it in giving tarot readings. I found it in cooking for people. I have found it in this blog.

I realize that my platform is small. But each and every time I get the satisfying sense that I have helped someone, it recharges my soul. It creates a burning desire to do more. Without a doubt, it is my passion. All I want in my life is to reach people. I want them to feel that I have somehow helped to improve the quality in their lives. It may sound selfish, but its the best kind of selfishness. I have been the recipient of help for a long time from a lot of good people. So trust me when I say that service is a win win situation.

Every time I get a new hit on my blog, it means something. I currently have 120 views. Which is kind of like the opposite of going viral. But each one of those views makes me so happy. Whether 120 people have taken their time to read the things I write or 1 person is reading my writing 120 times, I want to thank you for your support. I never went to school to be a writer. Up until recently, I never even had the confidence to put the things I have written out there. I am not pretending to be the best, but that does not mean that I don't have a voice. So thank you for listening and giving me strength to be louder. I wont let you down.

I could not find suitable copy of the video to add to the blog,
but below is the link to Oprah's website and takes you directly to her farewell address.

Part of my journey to self satisfaction is helping others to find their way. I have so many people in my life who truly are special but didn't get the encouragement that they needed to thrive. I will do my very best to become that person, who no matter what, always encourages others to reach for more. I want everyone to become the version of themselves that they always dreamed to be. Everything is possible for those who believe.

I want to dedicate this post to my older, wiser, unconditionally loyal brother.
 You are brilliant, passionate, and deserving of the better things.
Now its finally time to live the life you have always wanted.
I will love and support you always.
Happy 30th Birthday.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Birthdays in Brooklyn...

Yesterday was my 28th birthday... fallen on Friday the 13th... 
and my very first celebrated in New York.

I woke up in the morning having no expectations for the day. Since my original plans were no longer an option, and it was obviously way too late to make any new plans, I decided to simply go with the flow. I went to grab my usual morning coffee from my local bagel shop, and to my surprise, they remembered my birthday and treated me to a large iced coffee and a chocolate cupcake on the house. Thanks to the wonderful guys working at Bagel World,  my day was already starting off on a good note. Little did I know that that sweet sweet birthday feeling would  only go down from there. Not that it was a bad day, it was actually a pretty nice overall. But that trip to the coffee shop was the last time that I would feel like I was celebrating that blessed day my mother pushed me into this world.

This being my first birthday away from my family and close friends, I expected it to be very low key. I have made some great friends in NY, but none that would make a big deal about it. And I didn't really care if there was no fuss made over me, but I have to admit, I was surprised at how little people seemed to care. There was absolutely 0% special attention. Most of friends treated it like it was just another day. And that's because, for them, it was.  For the first time in my life, I am independent. I have no one in my life who is going to make a fuss over me. I have friends, yes. Great friends, but right now I am in the time of my life where I will be forced to find happiness and worth only from within. And it finally hit me... this was going to be my year... the year I find internal satisfaction.

No one is going to take the responsibility for my happiness, and in truth, no one ever has. But for some reason, I was always looking for someone to. And that's why I have been so empty for so long. But I have been on this journey to self acceptance for a long time, and I have finally reached moment where my goals will be reached. The woman that I always wanted to be is standing right in front of me and all I have to do is step into my rightful place.

Place. Place.... It's a concept that I have been thinking about for a while. I am the perpetual 2nd place girl. I have lived there my entire life. Any time there was opportunity for me to shine, I would withdraw into my 2nd place position. I was comfortable there. I was to afraid of being number one because I didn't want to stir the pot. I did not want people to be mad at me. But mostly, I did not have the guts. So I self sabotaged to the point where, when I looked back at my life, I had nothing to show for it. I had all of these great starts... but I would let them fizzle away just as I got to the finish line.

It was sad. But now I have come to peace with that. I have forgiven the girl that I use to be and started focusing on who I want to be. And now... I'm ready. I am so ready to stop taking 2nd place in my own life. This shits not going to be easy, but for the first time in my life, I am up for the challenge. I am no longer afraid. This is my time to make my dreams a reality and I have to do it alone. This is the only thing that will build my confidence and self worth. I have to fight for it and not quit. This is my time to be a 10. I have settled for a 7, (8 on a good day), and now I am ready for more. I demand it from myself and I am excited about it.

Yesterday was the universe telling me that it's my time. And last night, while I had dinner alone, I realized that I was happy. I was happy celebrating my birthday with the one person who is always going to put me first. Me. And now its the day after. I did my laundry, I ate breakfast, and now I'm about to go work out because life goes on and I have shit to do. But I did stop at the Farmer's Market to buy myself some fresh flowers. Because it was my birthday and I deserve them <3 

Thursday, May 5, 2011

First Kiss...

Just because it's so cute <3

To my dear friend...

First of all, I wanted to say thank you. You have always been there for me and I'd trust you with my life. The reason behind this letter is, well.. because I finally know the answer to the question that you have asked me over and over again. And the answer is, because it suits me. Ive been thinking about all the things that we have talked about as of late, and everything you have said to me has really sank into my soul. Your words affect me, and that's because I respect you.

It is completely obvious that you and I are 2 completely different people. I'm sure that there has even been a few who have asked why we are friends to begin with. But something tells me that if we sat them down and explained it a thorough as we could, there would still be some that don't understand. But honestly, I don't care. I know why we are friends. It's because, even though we may have a hard time communicating via words, our guts get it.

There is something about being your friend that makes me feel like a better person. I guess it's because I look up to you in a way and it makes me strive to actually become that better version of myself. Not many people in my life have that affect on me. I only hope that I have that affect on you sometimes. What makes me cherish this friendship so much is the fact that, while we are so different, we both have each others very best well being in mind. But being different also means that we sometimes look at things differently. And that's a wonderful thing.

You know me. You know that I am a person who is constantly looking for her next greatest love. And in that search, I have often times been hurt. I know that as my friend, you hate to see me when I'm down. You have asked me multiple times why I invest so much into finding love when I already have so many people in my life who love me. I have my friends. You tell me that no one makes me light up the way a boy can, and as my friend, you cant understand why I don't lean on you more. I should know that with my friends, I never have to worry about having my heart broken. You ask me why don't I chose you... my friend.

I need you to know that I already have. I realize that I have some of the best friends that a person can hope for. I know how lucky I am and I thank the universe daily for bringing you into my life. Friends like you are not easy to come by. And for some people, that's enough. But you know me, I want more. I already have my best friends, and you will be one of them for the rest of my life. You are my sister. But at the end of the day, I want a family. Not the kind we have, but a family of my own.

I want to get married. I want to have babies. This is something that I am sure of and have been for a very long time. For others, they are career driven, but I am a family girl down to the core of me. It suits me. This does not mean that I don't care about my career. I absolutely do. But for me, it's about a balance. That is what I need to be truly happy and I see nothing wrong with being honest about it. So yes. I will keep my heart open until I find the person who will go down this journey with me. And I hope that I have your support. Because when I look into the future of my life, you are there. And that makes me smile.

You said that no one can make me light up the way a boy can, but that's not true. I'm sure there will come a day when my future husband is saying the same thing about my friends. You guys have brightened my world. You are a light. What I think you are seeing is my hope that soon my world might be complete. And when you see that fade, its hard. It's hard to see anyone you care about be let down. But it's part of the journey. You have to be open for love. I know its a risk, but the reward it worth it. My friends are top knotch so I'm not settling for a 2nd rate romance.

When It comes to love, I am the eternal optimist,
and I honestly would not want it any other way.