Monday, September 9, 2013

I can't sleep...

My mind is full of awful thoughts. 
The kind of thoughts that keep me up at night. 
Night after night I am paralyzed with fear. 
I can't breath. I...

Why do I have these thoughts? 
Why now? 

I've been to some terrible places. 
Both mentally and physically. 
But even in those times, I still managed to sleep at night. 
I craved sleep. Longing for it in all of my waking hours. 
Sleep was my escape. It was my ecstasy. A sweet release...

Why now? 

My life is different now. 
I am safe. 
I am happy. 
Terribly, painfully, happy. 
The kind of happy that I once dreamed about. 
This is my reality. At last... my.. m y     everything.

It attacks me in the night. 
My mind is a manipulative fucking bastard that only attacks when I am most vulnerable. 
In that special place that was once a safe haven. 

I am the master of my own thoughts.
I am the master of my own thoughts.
I am the master of my own thoughts. 

I am the master of my own destiny.

This is what frightens me most.
Something that once brought me so much peace, 
has become the exact thing that keeps me up at night. 

I suppose this is the universe's way of keeping me balanced. 
I think it's really fucked up.