Tuesday, March 22, 2011

We'll see how things go...

Dating as an adult sucks. It really does. As we got older, all the innocence was lost. I long for the simpler times when a honest relationship started by a note that read;

Do you like me? 
Yes / No 
Circle one

Now days, communication has become so complicated. Because of past hurts, people become afraid to be honest. They are so terrified of rejection that it becomes impossible to be vulnerable.

Here is a common tale that I'm sure most of you have experienced. Or if not,  maybe you have a "friend" who has.

You meet someone.
There is an attraction.
You plan a date.

The date is amazing.
You laugh, you flirt.
There is a connection.

You plan a second date.
You talk, you touch.
There is excitement.

And then at some point, whether it be that night or several dates later, you decide to take the relationship to another level.
The level of complication.

The sun comes up.
You wake, you reach.
They look different.

You sense a change. But...
You smile, you chat.
Yep... They are acting different.

You suggest more plans
They have to go...
Everything is definitely different.

Next comes the bullshit excuses about how they have "soooo much" on their plate this week. How in between work, family coming into town, and laundry, there is simply no time to get together. They say something along the lines of, "We'll see how things go" or "I'll keep you posted". Then... after several days of unreturned phone calls, ignored text, and invisible status on
g-chat, you decide to move on.

In most cases, this is the end of the line. But on that rare occasion, sometimes months later, you receive a letter. This usually comes in the form of an email, an incredibly long link of text messages, but never... ever a call. This is where they tell you that they are sorry for being MIA. How you are "Great", but at the time, they were unsure of what they are looking for. That you in fact "scared them" because you were obviously looking for something more.

I hate these messages for two reasons. The first is that they are full of assumptions. Instead of having an actual conversation, they assume that they know everything about you. They automatically know what you are looking for, and then make the cowardly choice to just disappear. I am also guilty of it.

The second reason is, some people fall for it. They actually believe that the person is maturing and wants another chance. And sometimes they do. But unfortunately, often more than not, this usually just means that there has been a lull in their sex life and they are hoping that you are still on the hook enough to become their "Back-up Bitch". I am guilty of this as well.

The entire idea of dating makes me kinda ill. But it is a necessary evil in the quest of finding the one. I honestly feel that when you do meet that person, there will be no games. It will be honest and simple. It will be raw and scary. It will be beautiful and rewarding. It will be real.

But until then, looking back on your dating past, wouldn't it be nice to tell someone who blew you off exactly how you feel? Isn't there that one, self-centered douche bag, who you were not that into anyway, that you would love to tell how wrong they were about you? I personally have an entire list. So to end this blog, I would like to submit an actual letter that I wrote in response to an email I received from one particular gentlemen who, at the time, was suffering for a case of doucheness.

Dear X,
Long time. Im happy to know that you are in fact, alive. I must say... 
I was worried. 

I read your email and I understand when you said that you got scared. You wrote that after we slept together, you got the feeling that I was interested in something more than a casual thing with you. So it was easier for you to just vanish. 

I just wanted to tell you that you were wrong. Sex had nothing to do with it. To be perfectly honest, sex became tainted for me a long time ago. Its this wonderful, yet animalistic act that has become void of emotion for me. I don't see it as a sad thing. I am much more interested in the connection that leads up to and happens after sex. That is what I long for the most and the saddest part is to watch it slip away.

But you and I never had that. With us, fucking was just fucking. You may not be aware, but I too am really busy with work, and family, and occasional laundry. It is unfortunate that we could not keep a good thing going. But like I said before, I understand that you got scared. 

No worries. Its totally fine. 
All the best-

After sleeping on it, I decided not to send it. I felt that simply writing the letter was all the closure I needed. Because, in truth, I was not that into him. But I did send a response. The message only stated... 

No worries. It's totally fine. All the best- Me. 

The original letter has been sitting in my draft box ever since. Deep down, I could tell that he was a pretty good guy and I really do wish him all the best. I am no longer in contact with this person. But wouldn't life be amazing if, by fate, he happens to come across the blog and read it anyway? I have no idea if it would ever happen. But if it did, something tells me that he would know that it was about him. 

Monday, March 21, 2011

Missed Connections...

Have you ever taken a glance at a Craigslist "Missed Connections" Ad? They can be quite entertaining. First of all, you have to be 18 and older to even view the post, so that means that it is full of juicy tidbits not suitable for a younger audience. I happen to be looking through them today, for research obviously...

Anyway, lets just say that I came across a few post that I felt dignified the title of "Love Letter" rather than Booty call.

I am a firm believer in the concept of love at first sight. And although some may feel otherwise, I know that there are times when you just know. But sometimes, your head gets in the way and you decide, for whatever reason, to allow that moment to pass. Sometimes that lost connection turns into a moment of regret. And if you feel desperate enough to try and find that person using a Craigslist wanted ad, then you too are a believer. Good luck on your quest.

Here are a few of my favorites...

Missing you while still here
 i am missing you already and i see you daily. 
How am i going to get through this without you. 
i can not imagine one day without you here with me. 
I am scared.

 I know, I know. 
But, as you said, "I'm feelin' it."
 Now, what to do with my day off...

Shanghai Mermaid
 Was nervous and hesitated as you left -
 I should have asked for your number. 
I could have least shown you a good time while you are visiting!
I don't know how, but I hope to see you...

Its not very often…
 ". . .that something special happens."
Sweet dreams to you tonight and always. 
I miss you

 introduced us.
Curiosity sustained verbose visits,
me to him, him to me.
 Candor prevailed -- thrived and

fiercely protected by virtual curtains of
mutually incorrigible fervent words.
 Sudden surges of unequivocally soft
admiration teetered on an ether tightrope
of timid admissions, propelled by
unharnessed inclinations . . .

Chaste choreography,
never rehearsed, yet somehow superb --
unleashed daily performances of
overwhelming synchronicity.
 Two strangers mysteriously destined to
slow dance under a full moon --
never touching yet connected,
cheek to cheek, heart to heart, soul to soul.

Until one day.
 Now it seems like only
borrowed time during a year or so of sweet dreams,
once upon a time.

Every once in a while, fate steps in and gives the person exactly who they are looking for. Here are a few that actually got replies...

Original post
Happy Birthday Matt! I hope you enjoy being the dirrrty thirty
 (which you can be with me anyday. Even though you're not Asian).
 All the best.

Question... Does your name start with a C? If so you called the right number but didn't leave a number for you to call back and I never heard from you again. If it is you, then please call my number again. It was my brother's voice you heard on the answering machine. You keep calling me Matt, but that isn't my real name. I told you what it was. I don't care if you call me Matt anymore, at least for now. I would just like to get the chance to see you again and hopefully we can correct the name and get my name stuck in your head. It was the right number, though.

Original post
 ...my life
On waves of electrical sound
And flashing lights
She came.
 Into my life with the twist of a dial.
A wave of her hand
The warmth of her smile -
 And even though I know that you
And I
Could never find the kind of love
We wanted
I find myself missing you
And I
And I

It's not very often that something special happens...


and i you.

special things don't happen often -
 but on a day like today, everything is special. 
better make it happen while you can.

And here are a few, that I found to be... just sweet. :)

Colorful tights
Nikes and colorful tights. 
I was in black jeans and a red hat. 
I got off at the Morgan stop.
I smiled at you. You are a gorgeous person.
Just want you to know I had admired your beauty.
Sincerely, (He actually signed his name.)

Food Emporium
You were shopping tonight with your earbuds in. 
And we checked out at the same time. God, 
I wanted to throw you over my shoulder and take you home. 
What were you listening to?

Starbucks on Lexington Ave, 53rd Street around 2:30 pm.
 I was sitting at at bench facing the window. 
You passed by and we met eyes. 
You came in and sat at the table behind me. 
As you were leaving you smiled at me.

Yes. I should have chased after you, 
and regretted not doing so.

You were blond and very attractive.

If luck has it that you find this, 

let me know. 
We can get coffee again, 
this time together!

Love letters come in all forms.
Never forget to seek them out. 

love always,
me xoxoxo

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Love letter by Napolean Bonaparte

Since I don't get very many myself these days, I am consumed with reading love letters from others. I find such inspiration from people who are willing to immortalize their love in the form of a letter. Today, I came across this beautiful piece by Napolean Bonaparte, written December 1795. 

I wake filled with thoughts of you. Your portrait and the intoxicating evening which we spent yesterday have left my senses in turmoil. Sweet, incomparable Josephine, what a strange effect you have on my heart! Are you angry? Do I see you looking sad? Are you worried?... My soul aches with sorrow, and there can be no rest for you lover; but is there still more in store for me when, yielding to the profound feelings which overwhelm me, I draw from your lips, from your heart a love which consumes me with fire? Ah! it was last night that I fully realized how false an image of you your portrait gives!

You are leaving at noon; I shall see you in three hours.

Until then, mio dolce amor, a thousand kisses; but give me none in return, for they set my blood on fire.

Now, tell me that was not super sexy. I patiently await the day that I check my mailbox to receive a gift like that. Lovely. 

I think we should talk...

I have recently been spending a lot of time talking with my friends about the art of communication. Specifically, the differences between how a man and woman communicate with each other. There is no denying that guys and girls have their own language. There are even books written to help one sex understand the other. But in reality, who the hell reads those books? Well... I do, but I'm pretty positive that I have not dated a single guy who has read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

So is it possible for 2 people of the opposite sex to communicate effectively? I think it is, but it seems to be a rare occurrence this day and age. Or maybe its just me, because God knows that I tend to talk too much. Read for yourself in this edition of...

An actual text message conversation between a girl and a boy.

Boy- It was good to see you...
Girl- Yeah, it was good to see you too. 
Boy- What's your work schedule like this week?
Girl- I work tomorrow and Friday.
No response from Boy.

2 hours later...

Girl- That was the fastest 3 miles I have ever run. I guess I had a lot of pent up energy ;)
Boy- Ha!
Girl- Hope work is going well.
Boy- Going for sure
Girl- I have to leave for work around the same time you will be getting off. I will surely be thinking about you when I wake up. Today has given me a lot to think about. 
Boy- Such as?
Girl- Not really sure yet. Right now its just a jumbled mess of thoughts. But I will git back to you once I figure it out. 
Boy- Okay...
Girl- No worries though.  For the most part, its good thoughts. 
No response from Boy.

2 days later...

Girl- I told you the other day that spending time with you gave me a lot to think about. I have really been looking inside myself to find the answers that I have been seeking. And I have come to the conclusion that I am a lover. Plain and simple. I have a lot of love to give and I am not interested in the games associated with expressing it. Games are for children, and I have not been a child for a long time. 

I want happiness, and honestly, I feel very close to getting it. And I can assure you that it will come without games. It will be simple and honest. There will be no misunderstandings. You helped me see that I was going about it all wrong. I thought that keeping it simple meant having something with no strings attached. But its about being honest, no matter how hard it is to do. 

I am looking for something more than sex. I realize that it may take me a while to find it. But that does not mean that I will close myself off. I am a lover, and not expressing that would be a sin. 

No response from Boy. Go figure.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

New York Dating...

As some of you may know, I am a recent Brooklyn Transplant hailing from the great state of California. And while I will always hold a fondness of my home back in socal, I know that New York is where I need to be. So after I made the decision to give all of my shit away and start living, I found myself here with nothing more than some good friends and a hope for a happier life.

Through the world's grace and support of others, I landed on my feet with nowhere to go but forward. Along the path of self discovery, I have come to certain realizations about myself and have made vast improvements in my life. I honestly cant remember the last time I have been at so much peace with myself. But like anyone, I also crave the companionship of others. I am a lover and have a lot of it to give. So in order to find a means of expressing all of this love, I have entered the vast and complicated, sometimes brutal world of New York Dating.

Since I am new here, taking the route of online dating seemed to be the right choice for me. I currently have a profile on OkCupid and I honestly have no qualms about it. In fact, I encourage you to check out my profile @ http://www.okcupid.com/profile/AIvory

Through the series of dates that I have been on, I have begun to find myself gaining tons of inspiration. And so my first love letter is dedicated to anyone whom I have dated via this site.

Dear Y factor,
You know, at the end of the day, 
all I really want is someone to talk to. 
I want to feel like I am important enough... 
and special special and precious enough 
to want to make time for.
 I want someone to be there for me. 
Someone to pick up the phone when I call. 

I am constantly that "Rad Girl" 
who... for whatever reason, 
does not make the cut.
I don't know why I'm telling you this. 
But I guess its because.. 
you are the first person I connected with 
after years of being ignored. 
And since then, it has been a whirlwind 
of first dates and missed opportunities. 

It has been a long time since I searched 
for someone else to fill my empty gaps. 
I was always the only one I could count on to be there for me. 
I know how to be independent. 
But putting my heart into the hands of the world 
has again proven it to be a brutal place.
And yet I risk it because I honestly want to feel that possible joy 
of someone wanting... needing to fulfill me.
Not by making me their number one priority, 
but simply by answering the phone...
whenever, if ever, I call.

The girl you left hanging. 

To my readers...

This is my first official post in my quest to seek internal satisfaction. Thank you for honoring me with your time. I have to say that this was a long time coming. I have attempted to start writing for a long time and I would always loose steam. At first I thought it was because I had nothing to say. But over the course of this past year, my life has taken a major turn in the right direction. This only happened because I finally decided to stop fighting and live my life in the simplest way. Im going with the flow. And honestly, my life has never been so full. I gave away everything I owned and moved across the country to a world that inspires me everyday. And I hope that I will be able to bring some of that inspiration to you through this blog. 

In my pages area, I have included a message about me as well as one describing the catalyst behind this blog. I do hope that you take to time to read them and that you enjoy whatever form this blog takes. But one thing I can assure you is that it will be honest and it will talk about what I know. I am a lover, so what better way to express myself than with love letters. 

This is inspired by all who have even been in love. It will host my personal letters as well as those from other anonymous contributors. I will not put any information about the individuals to which these love letters have been written because this is not a place to create pain for others. It is simply a place where love can be expressed, no matter how deep, gritty, and honest, without  judgement. A place where I hope people can be inspired and feel safe to be more open with love.