Tuesday, March 22, 2011

We'll see how things go...

Dating as an adult sucks. It really does. As we got older, all the innocence was lost. I long for the simpler times when a honest relationship started by a note that read;

Do you like me? 
Yes / No 
Circle one

Now days, communication has become so complicated. Because of past hurts, people become afraid to be honest. They are so terrified of rejection that it becomes impossible to be vulnerable.

Here is a common tale that I'm sure most of you have experienced. Or if not,  maybe you have a "friend" who has.

You meet someone.
There is an attraction.
You plan a date.

The date is amazing.
You laugh, you flirt.
There is a connection.

You plan a second date.
You talk, you touch.
There is excitement.

And then at some point, whether it be that night or several dates later, you decide to take the relationship to another level.
The level of complication.

The sun comes up.
You wake, you reach.
They look different.

You sense a change. But...
You smile, you chat.
Yep... They are acting different.

You suggest more plans
They have to go...
Everything is definitely different.

Next comes the bullshit excuses about how they have "soooo much" on their plate this week. How in between work, family coming into town, and laundry, there is simply no time to get together. They say something along the lines of, "We'll see how things go" or "I'll keep you posted". Then... after several days of unreturned phone calls, ignored text, and invisible status on
g-chat, you decide to move on.

In most cases, this is the end of the line. But on that rare occasion, sometimes months later, you receive a letter. This usually comes in the form of an email, an incredibly long link of text messages, but never... ever a call. This is where they tell you that they are sorry for being MIA. How you are "Great", but at the time, they were unsure of what they are looking for. That you in fact "scared them" because you were obviously looking for something more.

I hate these messages for two reasons. The first is that they are full of assumptions. Instead of having an actual conversation, they assume that they know everything about you. They automatically know what you are looking for, and then make the cowardly choice to just disappear. I am also guilty of it.

The second reason is, some people fall for it. They actually believe that the person is maturing and wants another chance. And sometimes they do. But unfortunately, often more than not, this usually just means that there has been a lull in their sex life and they are hoping that you are still on the hook enough to become their "Back-up Bitch". I am guilty of this as well.

The entire idea of dating makes me kinda ill. But it is a necessary evil in the quest of finding the one. I honestly feel that when you do meet that person, there will be no games. It will be honest and simple. It will be raw and scary. It will be beautiful and rewarding. It will be real.

But until then, looking back on your dating past, wouldn't it be nice to tell someone who blew you off exactly how you feel? Isn't there that one, self-centered douche bag, who you were not that into anyway, that you would love to tell how wrong they were about you? I personally have an entire list. So to end this blog, I would like to submit an actual letter that I wrote in response to an email I received from one particular gentlemen who, at the time, was suffering for a case of doucheness.

Dear X,
Long time. Im happy to know that you are in fact, alive. I must say... 
I was worried. 

I read your email and I understand when you said that you got scared. You wrote that after we slept together, you got the feeling that I was interested in something more than a casual thing with you. So it was easier for you to just vanish. 

I just wanted to tell you that you were wrong. Sex had nothing to do with it. To be perfectly honest, sex became tainted for me a long time ago. Its this wonderful, yet animalistic act that has become void of emotion for me. I don't see it as a sad thing. I am much more interested in the connection that leads up to and happens after sex. That is what I long for the most and the saddest part is to watch it slip away.

But you and I never had that. With us, fucking was just fucking. You may not be aware, but I too am really busy with work, and family, and occasional laundry. It is unfortunate that we could not keep a good thing going. But like I said before, I understand that you got scared. 

No worries. Its totally fine. 
All the best-

After sleeping on it, I decided not to send it. I felt that simply writing the letter was all the closure I needed. Because, in truth, I was not that into him. But I did send a response. The message only stated... 

No worries. It's totally fine. All the best- Me. 

The original letter has been sitting in my draft box ever since. Deep down, I could tell that he was a pretty good guy and I really do wish him all the best. I am no longer in contact with this person. But wouldn't life be amazing if, by fate, he happens to come across the blog and read it anyway? I have no idea if it would ever happen. But if it did, something tells me that he would know that it was about him. 

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