The Surrender.

I have wanted to find a way to put my mark on the world for some time. I have dabbled in so many forms of expression from the physical to the visual. But it has always been hard for me to express myself vocally. I guess it's because I didn't know how to use my voice. Maybe I didn't realize that I even had one.

When I look back at my life only a year ago, so many things were different. My life's path was one that felt more like a trap than a movement. I was moments away from a lifelong commitment that I didn't think I had the guts to walk away from. There were so many outside forces involved and I did not want to be responsible for letting them down. I didn't want to let myself down, to fail at something that I invested so much of myself into. But do to the intervention of the universe, I found myself in a different surrounding. I found myself in Brooklyn. And as a result, I found myself.

When I explain it to people, I tell them that when you fall in love with someone, it's like playing that game where you grab someone's hands and you both spin around until you're dizzy and both fall to the ground laughing. We did it all the time when we were kids, back when life was so simple. And even if you didn't have the easiest of childhoods, like a lot of us out there, the way we looked at things were so simple. Love is no different. As adults, we try to complicate things as a way to protect ourselves. It develops into such a weave of words that it's no longer possible to answer a simple yes or no. I was there. I understand it more than you know.

In my game of holding hands and spinning, something went wrong. Instead of letting go and falling into bliss, we both didn't want to let go. We were both afraid to. And as a result, we began to spin faster and faster to the point where the thought of letting go became terrifying, and even paralyzing. Everything on the outside, in the real world, became so blurry. We had been spinning so fast and so long that we no longer had concept of the world around us anymore. We were lost.

But then something happened, the universe intervened. Out of the blue I was given an amazing opportunity to change my life.  And although I was scared, I knew that something inside of me felt empty and I had to take this chance. I had been looking for a way to become more vulnerable because I thought that it would be the saving grace to our problems. But the truth is, I already was vulnerable. I just needed the courage to express it in a way that fulfilled me and didn't destroy me.

Like most of us who get lost, sometimes its easier to stay lost because being found means being seen. But for the first time in my life, I'm not afraid to speak my voice. I have one, and its full of warmth and sincerity and love. I have a lot of love to give and I am tired of being made to feel ashamed of that. Some people never know how to express their love and try to make others feel wrong for being blessed with such an amazing gift. I am so thrilled to be able to go through so much emotional and physical pain and still come out on top with the ability to love.

So this blog is my surrender to the world. My life's path has finally become clear to me and so I let go. I accept the person I am and will not be afraid to share that with the world. In my quest to seek internal satisfaction, I will find it simply by loving. And I will share that love with you through my thoughts, my words, my love letters to the world.