Sunday, October 30, 2011

Once Upon a Time...

Where do I even begin? 
How do I retell a story that has been told time and time again?

Venus likes Saturn. 
Saturn likes Venus. 
Venus has friend. 
Mercury also likes Saturn. 
Mercury is all powerful. 
Mercury gets Saturn. 
Venus gets sad. 

But there is so much more to it. 

What about the part when Venus though that Saturn was really something special? Different from all the other planets and brighter than all the stars in the sky.  

What happened was... Mercury did not take Venus' feeling seriously.

And what about the part when Venus gets all of her guts in order to confront the situation and ask both Mercury and Saturn if there was something... but both say nothing? 

What happened was... Mercury and Saturn did get together... the very next day.

But what about the part where Mercury feels bad about lying to Venus' face and tells her that her worst fears are true. That there is in fact something between Saturn and she. And that she never meant to hurt Venus?

What happen was... Oh... that's right! That shit NEVER happened. 

Well... maybe it did. But only after Venus found out because Saturn could not handle the guilt. And after Venus calls Mercury in hysterics. Pleading for answers. Only to be met with total denial of any wrong doing. To be later followed by some weak ass text message about "Assumptions" all around.  But there were no assumptions. Venus was always 100% clear. Mercury just honestly didn't give a fuck. And all because Mercury has this warped sense of entitlement and self created competition. 

She had to win. SHE HAD TO!!!

But Mercury was right.
She absolutely did see Saturn first. 

(Yet, you and I both know that this story has little to do with the Saturn)

He was only a pawn in the game that Queen Mercury plays so well. Her thought are so meticulous. Each move extremely calculated. It's no surprise that in the end she leaves all other players broken hearted and wilting by side lines. Because they were all disposable. Who cares if hearts are broken if she has to prove the point that MERCURY IS A WINNER? 

Well... She did win. Congratulations.

I'm sure she finds her peace in that. Because nothing is greater than her own abilities. She is the controller of her own destiny. So of course she had to win. And She always knew she would. She will always be the closest to the Sun. And Venus was more than happy to be number 2. But Mercury has to prove that she has the power and She will fight to the bitter end in order to maintain it. But when will she see that nobody wants it.

In the end, Mercury got to walk away with all of the power, the portfolio credits and the fame. But She also got the hurt, the burning guilt and the blame. 

Mercury got to keep it all.  
But I'm sure, for her, it was worth it. 


*Based on a true story. 
For privacy purposes, all names have been changed.

Monday, October 24, 2011

...and this is Fate

There are a million emotions flowing through me. I can't see clearly. I can't find the right words to explain this feeling. A mixture of hope, with a hint of anger, and a lot of sadness folded in. This recipe is one that left me with a stomach ache so colossal, it engulfed my soul. 

And there I am drowning. Wondering how this came to be. Wondering why you are here, feeling like you are torturing me. I know that this was not your intention, but what did you expect to see? You come into my world and dangle your light in front of me. So I reach for it... but it was all ruse. 

You were right when you told me you were no good. But again, I did not listen. I though that this time, it would be different. I am no amateur when it comes to heartbreak.  I know the feeling well. And you would think by now that I would be immune to sparkling eyes and genuine smiles. But I fall for it every time. I open my heart, I risk it all. Knowing that in the end, I may be sitting here... at this computer, spilling my guts, and nursing yet another broken heart. 

I do love too easily. And this may be the end of me. But it's worth every tear just to revel in the fantasy that one day you will see me. That you will want me. 

I am no God. I cannot control the hearts of any. And I cannot control our destiny. Don't think I would even if I could. I am enslaved to the feeling of new love. Hoping one day that Fate will bring me my true love. It should be you. When we are together... you bring me to life. But something is holding you back. Your reluctant Saturn crossed paths with my patient Venus. And now we stand here, on earth, knowing that we belong together, but fighting this affection every step of the way. 

If you came to me... really came to me. You would see that I am the one for you. But this perfect love is out of our reach because neither one of us is brave enough to take the leap. 


Two shall be born... the whole world apart
and speak in different tongues... and have no thoughts
each, of the other's being... and no heed

and these same two
o're unknown seas, to unknown lands, shall cross
escaping wreck, defying death
and all unconsciously
shape each act, and bend each wandering step
to this one end...
         that one day, out of darkness
they must meet
and read Life's meaning in each other's eyes

and these same two
along some narrow way of Life shall walk
so nearly side by side
that should one turn, ever so little space
to left... or right
they needs must stand acknowledge, face to face

and yet...

with wistful eyes, that never meet
and groping hands that never clasp
with lips, calling in vain, to ears that never hear
they seek each other all their weary days
and die unsatisfied

     ...and this is Fate

~Susan Marr Spalding

Saturday, October 1, 2011

May I have some of your granny's cornbread...?

Everything is beautiful. That perfect combination of everything I never knew I wanted.
I feel a rush. My blood is pumping through my body in a way that I...
My heart just burst. The music tonight was the soundtrack to my soul.
I am shy to ask this, but... may I kiss you?

I occasionally glanced your direction.
I find myself wondering what you're thinking.
Leaning on every word. Your tales are like my own.
This was completely unexpected, but... can I hold your hand?

There is something in the air. A freshness. A feeling of being free.
However, there is a responsibility to the universe to do the right thing.
I will think of you when that familiar tune plays. And who knows? All I know...
Is I'm no longer unrequited, so... would you mind if I touched you?

                                                           ... and maybe love you. A little?

you inspire me. i'm putting my faith in fate.
most affectionately yours <3