Monday, October 24, 2011

...and this is Fate

There are a million emotions flowing through me. I can't see clearly. I can't find the right words to explain this feeling. A mixture of hope, with a hint of anger, and a lot of sadness folded in. This recipe is one that left me with a stomach ache so colossal, it engulfed my soul. 

And there I am drowning. Wondering how this came to be. Wondering why you are here, feeling like you are torturing me. I know that this was not your intention, but what did you expect to see? You come into my world and dangle your light in front of me. So I reach for it... but it was all ruse. 

You were right when you told me you were no good. But again, I did not listen. I though that this time, it would be different. I am no amateur when it comes to heartbreak.  I know the feeling well. And you would think by now that I would be immune to sparkling eyes and genuine smiles. But I fall for it every time. I open my heart, I risk it all. Knowing that in the end, I may be sitting here... at this computer, spilling my guts, and nursing yet another broken heart. 

I do love too easily. And this may be the end of me. But it's worth every tear just to revel in the fantasy that one day you will see me. That you will want me. 

I am no God. I cannot control the hearts of any. And I cannot control our destiny. Don't think I would even if I could. I am enslaved to the feeling of new love. Hoping one day that Fate will bring me my true love. It should be you. When we are together... you bring me to life. But something is holding you back. Your reluctant Saturn crossed paths with my patient Venus. And now we stand here, on earth, knowing that we belong together, but fighting this affection every step of the way. 

If you came to me... really came to me. You would see that I am the one for you. But this perfect love is out of our reach because neither one of us is brave enough to take the leap. 


Two shall be born... the whole world apart
and speak in different tongues... and have no thoughts
each, of the other's being... and no heed

and these same two
o're unknown seas, to unknown lands, shall cross
escaping wreck, defying death
and all unconsciously
shape each act, and bend each wandering step
to this one end...
         that one day, out of darkness
they must meet
and read Life's meaning in each other's eyes

and these same two
along some narrow way of Life shall walk
so nearly side by side
that should one turn, ever so little space
to left... or right
they needs must stand acknowledge, face to face

and yet...

with wistful eyes, that never meet
and groping hands that never clasp
with lips, calling in vain, to ears that never hear
they seek each other all their weary days
and die unsatisfied

     ...and this is Fate

~Susan Marr Spalding

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