Tuesday, June 14, 2011

I cant sleep...

My mind is consumed with thoughts of you.
I cant clothes my eyes.
This feeling is taking over and I dont think I'll survive.
I'm burning... in my chest.
It hurts because its starving. 
I'm addicted to your fire.
It hurts because I deny it... the one thing that's not a known lair.

I'm afraid to do this.
I'm having doubts.
I'm over thinking how I feel instead of feeling how I feel.
Why is it so hard to just write how I feel. FUCK!
OK... I'm afraid of what will happen.
I'm afraid it will go away.
I'm afraid you will go away.

You have affected me.
More than I realized, more than I wanted.
And I'm so thankful for it.
I feel...
Oddly lucky, but really unsure.

This sucks. Honestly... it sucks.
Not you, you're perfect. Not... in general, as a human, but perfect with me.
You make me feel perfect inside. You make me feel beautiful, loved, understood, supported, crazy, excited, reckless, sane, and completely out of control. I want more. I cant help it. I'm addicted.

I wont tell you about this because I don't have the balls.
But if you happen to stumble upon this, I want to you know that I'm in love with you.
I know exactly when it happened... although it took time for me to realize that it did.
I would love to tell you when, but for now, I will wait for you to ask me.

This alone has been a sweet release.
I'm at ease enough to catch a few precious moments of sleep.

As the sun rises, I can clothes my eyes and know that if fate allows it, you will be mine.

A million deep breaths...

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