Saturday, May 9, 2015

27 days until BHOF. Actually... it's 26

OK... It's pretty clear that I missed a day. I had every intention to post when I got home last night, But by the time I made it in the door, I practically fell into a coma. So... here I am with an update on yesterday and my plans for today. Now, yesterday was pretty productive as far as BHOF is concerned. I made a trip to my neighborhood rhinestone dealer, Stockholm Philly, and made a few purchases that will be added onto my performance costume.

 It was quite funny because it really felt like we are doing a drug deal. In a way, It kinda was because isn't glitter and rhinestones considered the crack of a burlesque dancer? I may be wrong, but I am sure I have heard that before.

 I also went out to watch the opening night Teaser Party of the 
4th Annual New York Boylesque Festival. 

Talk about inspiration!! I got so see some many of my good friends perform at The Knitting Factory stage, and saw a bunch more in the audience. As my first time at a Boylesque Festival, I was quite impressed with all of the creativity. Sometimes, at a traditional burlesque festival, you can see the same elements in an act, back to back to back. And as a classic performer myself, It can be difficult to figure out a more creative way to take off a gown and 2 gloves. Attending the Boylesque Festival last night not only inspired me, but gave me a few ideas that I can incorporate into my own performances.

Yesterday was also the final day of my juice detox. 

Thanks be to Stripper Jesus. I love being health, but the juice got less and less flavorful each day. By the end, I was forcing it down. I'm glad I did it though. I think it gave me the kick start I needed to start making better food choices. Hopefully I can keep this momentum going for a while.

To change the direction of this post for a moment, I have been thinking about positivity vs. negativity. I have always considered myself to be a positive person, choosing to look on the bright side of thing, see the glass half full... you know. But, there was a time in my life, shorty after moving to NYC, that that wasn't the case. I was a big ol' ball of sadness. I considered myself the ultimate victim, moving across the country to start over, after all my original plans went to shit.

I started hanging out with a lot of photographers and would often pose for them when they were working on a project. You would be surprised how many times one of those photographers asked me is things were OK with me. I guess the negativity and sadness that I was carrying around was pretty obvious to others. This was only magnified when I went to see a psychic, (yes... I'm all into the woo woo stuff) and she told me that I had a dark could of negativity following me where ever I went.

Most people would not take this psychic very seriously, but I did. I had never been looked at as a negative person and the idea that I was becoming one really bothered me. So I went on a quest of gratitude. I frantically sought out and focused on all of the things in my life. I had some pretty incredible friends who listened to me and encouraged me to keep my head up in my lowest moment. I thought about how, no matter how little money I had, that there were people in my life who loved me and would never let me live on the streets. I think about those friends and family members who refused to allow me to move back home to California when I didn't think I could survive in NY. Clearly these people were seeing something in me that I did not see. And instead of assuming that they were all bullshitters, I decided that maybe the shit I was telling myself... 
 "I'm not lovable, I'm not happy, I have no one," was the real bullshit.

I spent a lot of time focusing on self care. Every time my brain wanted to take me on a negative path, I had to fight to change my focus back to something I was grateful for. It took a long time, but seeing the positive side of life finally started to come naturally to me again. And because of that, the quality of my life started to improve. I made more friends, I started working in an in industry that was fulfilling and creative. And most of all, I found the love of my life. I honestly believe that if I didn't change my way of thinking, then my life would still reflect the attitude that I had then. I believe in the laws of attraction. More now than ever before.

What does this have to do with BHOF or burlesque? Well... quite a bit, I think. There seems to be an issue in my community where performers feel entitled to gigs. I have no idea where this is coming from because I come from belief that nothing is guaranteed. But there are definitely performers out there who, whenever I interact with them, it's just a shit show. Everything sucks for them. No one books them. Every horrible thing that happens in the world always seems to happen to them. I'm sorry... but with an attitude like that, I am not surprised. 

First of all.. no one is guaranteeing you anything. If you want more gigs, you got to work for them. No.. this is not just about becoming a better performer, although, in some cases, that's exactly what its about. But for the most part, I think its about becoming a better person, that people want to be around. If you are a negative Nelly all of the time, people are not going to want to be around you, bottom line. It really does not matter if you are the best performer. If you always are walking around with a stank face and a bad attitude, people are going to reject you.

My point is... maybe instead of always pointing the finger at someone else, take a look in the mirror and ask yourself if all the problems you are having is coming from within. Yes.. I know that life is hard. I know that there are challenges and hardships everyday. The key is to not allow those hardships change you into a toxic person. As a person who has been there and fought like hell to get out of that dark place, I can honestly tell you that things are much brighter on the other side.

OK... I'll leave you this this quote. Its simple, but it is so true.

 I am currently in upstate New York to spend the weekend with my amazing future in laws and I don't plan to spend a moment of this beautiful mini vacation in a negative mindset. Love and peace and happiness and positivity to you all. 

Until tomorrow...

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